The Saddest Moment in My Life (Thus Far)

I have had a very difficult up bringing. A lot of my troubles might have stemmed from my own insecurities. Growing up I had a lot of bodily insecurities. I was short and I was round. It did't help that at the time my school was making students tuck in our shirts with their Lands End's skirts or Aéropostale khakis.

Between going through my awkward stage of deciding if I wanted to be emo, scene, preppy, or something in between; social media sites were on the rise (throwback to Myspace). Thanks to social media I was not only battling what was in my head but I was bombarded with pictures and comments about what I should look like so I can b
e attractive. 

But that was just the beginning. High school wasn't too bad for me because I got taller. So the girl who was once round was a slimmer, more confident in her looks. I started getting the attention I felt like I deserved. I enjoyed every minute of it.

The beginning started out in college. I was lost like most college students about what they want to do with their life. It was difficult for me because I suffer from mild depression. I had never been diagnosed with depression but the signs were there. My parents, like most parents, look at it as a phase. For a while I thought it was but after starting college, the stress of wanting to be successful, and wanting acceptance I knew that this was something more than a phase. 

My depression not only affected my attitude on life but it affected my relationships. My grades suffered immensely. I always blamed it on how much of a procrastinator I was. In high school, I could get away with doing a paper an hour before class; In college, that's not how that works.  Looking back I realize how my depression was the reasoning behind my procrastinating. 

My parents always applauded me about how smart or how I had an act for learning but somehow my grades never reflected that. Which for me was always frustrating. I wanted to be successful and I wanted to do well in life; but my insecurities and anxiety about failing was stronger than my will to succeed. 

I can't say that I ever got better because I'm in the saddest moment of my life. But I want I can say is that I'm also in the most exciting moment of my life thus far. If there is one thing I have learned in my self discover is that in this exact moment, I have the chance to change. We can all get better and improve. We all have these opportunities laid out in front of us. We just have to have the drive and the confidence to take that risk.